Brother, Can You Spare A Grand?

By c.d. 'Sonny Boy' norman


[IMAGE]Hey, Noble Cody! Hey, Bettye Vaden! Hey, Jean Davis, Mike O'Mara, Jim Shipley, Don Wagnon, and Steve Copeland! Want to start the new year by doing something decent? Donate $1,000 to the Darlene Eldridge Investigative Reporting Fund! I did, and so can you.

I challenge each of you to donate $1,000 to the Darlene Eldridge Investigative Reporting Fund. Make your checks out to "Loyola University" and mail them to...

Dr. Larry Lorenz
Department of Communications
Loyola University
6363 St. Charles Avenue
New Orleans, LA 70118

It's the right thing to do, AND it's tax-deductible.

Noble Cody, since 1995 you've contributed almost $5,000 to the Tennessee Republican Party Federal Election accounts. Most of that was used to pay off debts from previous campaigns. Stop flogging a dead elephant, and invest in the future.

Bettye Vaden, since 1994 you and your husband have given over $12,000 to Democratic candidates like Bart Gordon. Boy, the orthodontics business must be booming! I guess the "Southern Yeomen" in the Coonskin Cartel are using their meth-production profits to get their teeth fixed, huh? Look, Bettye: Bart Gordon doesn't need your money. He gets plenty from his buddies (and his former chief-of-staff) at USA Group, but that's another story. Stop flushing your money into the septic tank of Federal elections, and help fill our country's reservoir of knowledge.

Mayor Davis, the first time your husband ran for city council you sent my parents a card asking them to vote for Bobby, which I'm sure they did. Now I'm asking you for a favor: contribute $1,000 to the Darlene Eldridge Investigative Reporting Fund. The Herald-Citizen can take a photo of you signing the check. Then when you see the picture in the paper you can say, "Well, this time I was really doing something worthwhile instead of just standing there with a goofy look on my face."

And Mike O'Mara: geez loueez, with what you charge the city for your legal brilliance, you can earn $1,000 just sitting on the pot every morning! Next time you're in there having a brainstorm, make out a check for $1,000 to "Loyola University."

Now, Jim Shipley, I have some sympathy for you. Like most civil servants, you're probably overworked and underpaid. But, hey, I ain't exactly rolling in dough, either. I mean, Marvel Comics isn't knocking down my door wanting to make "Bob the GOB" into the next Spiderman. But I coughed up a grand, and so can you. Maybe Loyola can use the money to have a graduate student investigate the Eldridge murder. Grandpa Benson could probably use some help. So put down that cigarette and pick up your checkbook.

Steve Copeland and Don Wagnon, I don't know much about you guys, other than that Don looks alarmingly like "Bob the GOB," but I'm sure you've got more money than I do. Neither of you has a good excuse NOT to contribute $1,000 to the Darlene Eldridge Investigative Reporting Fund (unless you're afraid of having a cross burned in your yard).

And how about some of your hoity-toity pals down at Spankies' restaurant? If they can drop 30 bucks for a baked potato [Noble, for you, potatoe], surely they can pump a few bucks into something besides their faces.

So come on, folks! I don't wanna hear any malarky about keeping the money in-state, or only giving to Tennessee Tech, or how you're short on cash after the Christmas holidays. If I can do it, so can YOU!