'Now, I must ask every one of you City of Cookeville public officials, even though you are all related to Big Boss, to stop surfing to porno sites during work hours until after the election. You know, Judge Maddux's pal Al Gore is in so much trouble we're likely to lose all our connections around here, then you'd have to be plain old honest city officials. You'll have to fix your own tickets or, gasp, go to the city 'court,' which as you know, only masquerades as the judiciary. Hey, what do they expect, justice? Let them eat cake! On no, wait, that's the wrong historical saying. Uhh, Oh, I know. Justice is just a shadow in the cave. Everybody knows Judge Maddux hopes Al Boy is going to make him a federal judge, and it'll be kind of hard because Judge Maddux turned a blind eye to what Lewey Coomer's been doing, just like John Boy Hudson did. These Democrats sure don't like to do much to stop each other from stealing. Now I suppose that could work against Judge Maddux when it comes time for confirmation, so they can't afford much more scandal around here. Certainly, it is much easier for all of you to stop browsing to porno sites than it is for Judge Maddux to call the cops on Lewey. So why don't all of you give up your vices so they can keep theirs, OK? Then if you get caught later, we'll just let you go, unless you're from someplace else, of course, then we have strict justice, not like that Wayne Bandy incident. If you are ready to make that commitment, come down here in front of me. Are you ready? Let me hear you say 'Uh-huh.' Louder! 'UH-HUH!' Make that cleft palate of yours warble. And, you, Sir? Jimbo, put out that cigarette now and praise the dream of a porno-free city hall. And let's keep those aromatherapy candles under wraps for a while, huh gals? Stick to nitrous in the girl's room. Now, I'm going to send Don Wagnon's good friend Mike O'Mara down among you with the collection plate. Just to be sure, please write the amount you give him on a separate piece of paper and drop it in the jar being circulated by County Trustee Gary Maynard, who will then take the money and papers to his office for safekeeping. Nothing personal, Don, Mike, Judge.'
They had a choice:
or cover up. Not surprising . . .
Cookeville, Tenn., 'public servants' tell the public:
'Mind your own business!'
. . . and use tax money to fight to keep you ignorant of their actions.
Luckily, the Tennessee Municipal League has not pulled the plug on these bozos, or their "Mr. 31-page summary judgment 'brief'/ I get paid by the hour win or lose" Knoxville insurance lawyer . . . .Yet. How much longer will the rest of the state's municipalities foot the bill for Jim 'I'm not afraid of you' Shipley and his counsel extraordinaire, City Attorney T. Michael 'If I run for DA all three of us in the race will have pending civil rights cases so none of these people I've been serving [ha ha ha ] will even notice/ I'll work the church crowd Sunday' O'Mara.
Return to The Putnam Pit