The Putnam Pit: Cookeville would be better off if politicians' dogs would assume their duties.

Animals would do better in office than the incumbants By DOG X Putnam Pit opinion editor "This county is going to the dogs". You've heard the saying haven't you? Many of you, full of frustrations at the dishonesty, inefficiency and incompetence of government officials, have yourselves made that statement.

Well I've heard just about enough of it and today on behalf of dogs everywhere I am putting my paw down against the slander. We dogs deserve better! I believe that I speak for canines the world over when I refuse to accept any of the blame for the mess you humans have gotten all of us into.

It seems to me, in light of the perpetual poor performance of human government, that handing the country over to the dogs could be an idea whose time has come. Long recognized as man's best friend we dogs have built strong reputations on faithfulness, loyalty, dedication, and honesty. To how many of your political leaders can you relate those fine attributes?

When a dog wags his tail and licks your hand to indicate friendship he is totally honest. He will not turn from being a faithful friend. He will not forget that you are his master, that his purpose is to serve you. He will not bite the hand that feeds him.

A politician on the other hand expects you to lick his tail and put money in his hand. He will be your friend only as long as you have money and influence. He finds it extremely difficult to be honest about anything at all. He forgets that you (the citizen) are his master, that his purpose is to serve you. He will take the tax money from your hand then growl, snap, and bite your hand when you demand honest, efficient and open government.

I maintain that NOW is the time that government really should go to the dogs, and I would like to point out that there is a precedent for canine rule. During the 11th century a Norwegian king, angry that his subjects had once deposed him, appointed his dog, Saur, to the throne. For three years Saur was a King of Norway.

I am certain that Saur's performance as king was far superior to that of countless kings that came before and after him.

In order to effect decent honest government for the citizens of Cookeville and Putnam County I call upon the local powers that be to immediately follow the example of that Norwegian king. Appoint your dog to fill your unexpired term in office.

I propose that Chief Bill Benson's dog will serve as police chief, Mayor Jean Davis' dog will assume the duties of mayor, Jim Shipley's dog can easily fill the city managers shoes, and T. Michael O'Mara's dog most certainly will improve upon the quality of legal advice available to the dogs on the city council. Jerry Abston, Lewis Coomer, Doug McBroom, and the rest of you good ol' boys get your dogs groomed and follow suit.

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