Confessions of a control freak
Life in the potato lane
By EMILY GRANT
University of Wisconsin-Madison

In America today, one experience separates the generations.  There are those who grew up with the television remote control and those who didn't.  Not all Americans can remember running around the neighborhood on a sweet summer night, creeping up to houses with the blue haze seeping through the windows and secretly flipping the television channels as the startled and horrified viewers dive for the remote to flip their program back, totally confused.  Ahhh, the sweet memories of growing up with the touch of a button. 

Today, there are a significant number of people in America who vaguely remember life without the remote control. And of those people,  the main reason the older ones don't remember is because their moms put them down in front of Sesame Street and they didn't have to move until Mr. Rogers was over and it was nap time.  Many will even remember the "remote" control that came on a string.  We had one of those that came with the first VCR ever (the play button was big enough that you could kick it with your foot and the place where the tape went in rose from the top of the machine like a space ship door).  The remote control has become such an important part of many of these people's lives, many have found nicknames for their beloved entertainment aide and friend.  My household affectionately refers to the remote control as 'The Clicker,' unless the batteries inside die, when we affectionately refer to it as 'The Damn Clicker.' 

channels simply by pushing the conveniently fingertip-sized buttons. This is very important because if you get sick of whatever is on TV you can change it without having to move or find something better to do.  Sometimes a dilemma does occur when the ads start.  To scan or not to scan? Advertisements have become very witty, entertaining and informative (how else would you get web site addresses for products shown on TV?), however, not everyone has the patience for them and will reach, grab and scan.  In your face, Chi Chi's chips and salsa workout man. 

The remote control is all about control.  Beyond control over the television.  The person who controls the clicker is in control of the entire television watching population of the household.  And it does not always follow the traditional power structure of the household.  The clicker has allowed for a sort of survival of the fittest.  Whoever can get home first and be organized enough to sit in front of the television until they are really ready to leave has the power.  Even if you have to get up for a moment, there are ways of keeping control.  Some opt for the clicker in the back pocket walk away with the five minute rule on the chair they were sitting on, others are more clandestine about their control.  I had a boyfriend who used to hide the clicker under the couch cushions and leave for extended periods of time, not telling anyone where it was. Unless someone would actually stand up and change the channel (like that could happen), we would sit there until he got back, at which time he would recover the clicker and we would be forced to watch ESPN.  We broke up because ESPN SportsCenter was programmed at the same time as Seinfeld. 

Fortunately for everyone, clickers come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, with varieties of functions.  Of course, today most VCRs, stereos and televisions come with their own remotes, however, many have the capability to be programmed and coordinated among entertainment equipment. There are mammoth universal clickers that do everything, which is important because some people have surround sound when they watch action films and movies with lots of pretty music which requires control over the television, VCR and stereo all at the same time.  While you watch, the clicker can also help you do things like change the tint, picture, color, brightness and detail which is good because some people like the world to be a little more red.  To each their own, which the clicker facilitates. 

The remote control even has buttons that no one can figure out uses for- except for the most dedicated technology gurus.  And because of the non-discriminating character of the remote control, anyone who is not a high school English teacher can master all the techniques and abilities of the remote.   In a mid-day check-up-on-my-life chat, my father- king of technology gurus- announced that he has a universal clicker that glows in the dark for times he needs to find the clicker at night.  Next on his list has got to be remote control lights. 

The clicker has definitely been there for me in times of need.  It makes an excellent prop to hold up faulty college-apartment windows, and has often served as a paperweight.  If the clicker wasn't next to my bed, it would be that much more difficult to turn the tv on and look instead of doing my homework.  The sleep button has also allowed me to relax at the end of the night, fall asleep to the lullaby sound of David Letterman's voice and not have to worry about waking up at 3 a.m. with my face buried in the pillow pathetically slapping the space I thought I left the clicker to turn the TV off.  I never feel sicker to my stomach than when the clicker falls behind the bed or the table- panic strikes and I feel like I lost my best friend.  Some say that my dedication to my remote control may have something to do with the fact that I was voted most lazy in my graduating high school class, but I don't think so.  Like my grandma and her kitchenette, I can't imagine my life without a clicker. 

Links for those so inclined:  The Couch Potato's Easy Resource Page